Mom

I'm sick as a dog. Where does that phrase come from, anyway? Hopefully it has nothing to do with the fact that they return to their own vomit, because if that is the case, then I'm just plain sick.

 I can hear my little (and not so little) ones downstairs playing and know they are in 100% excellent care, because their dear and precious, Ouma is watching them. She is getting over what I am getting started with and not at her best herself. ....but here she is helping us. Thanks, Mom. You are a life saver. No, seriously. I think I would have had to call 911 by now if you didn't come to my rescue yesterday AND today. I love you. 

In other news.....

Keano told me today that he wanted to be "A Bachlor 'til the Rapture." My dear son, I might be very tempted to remind you of that in a few years time ;)

When I asked Gloria recently what she was 'drawing' on her etch a sketch, she responded (very dramatically) with 'THE GlOOOOORY of GOOOOOOD.' ...And the oddest part of all is that I wasn't even aware that she knew this phrase. Sweet.

My Fiery Faith, has become a bit less fiery and more predictable. Her favorite phrases as of late, are "Miss you." (She says this at random even when we haven't been apart for days. precious.) "Play Mommy's long hair." (LOVE this!) and, 'PEEE PEEEE!' And though this might be a bit TMI, when she has to do more than pee pee, she quickly says "Mommy, close the door! I need my privacy!" (Really? At two? Well, ooooo kkkkkk, little lovie. You take it!)

None my babies have been the 'cuddly type,' but more the, how-quickly-can-I-get-to-the-ground-and-GO type(!), but our Felicity, is another story. She has just charmed me to the core. She LOVES her cuddles. She cuddles right into you! Lays her head on our chest and just cooo's away. Priceless. Can she stay this age forever, please?

I have experimenting with tofu recipes. Just made this: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Fruity-Tofu-Parfait-with-Granola/Detail.aspx and I don't think it will last very long in this house.

Jack Pot!

We try to do the majority of our grocery shopping (once a month) together, as a family. We make it a fun little outing and the tribe actually looks forward to it. Faith drives in one of those Kroger cars, Gloria gets her own (little) big girl cart, Felicity smiles at everyone she meets, and Keano conquers his *part* of the list. T and I split up, dividing the girls amongst us, and barrel through. It's more fun than it sounds really. ....Or, maybe we're just delusional. 

Anyway, today, while standing and staring at all my garlic choices, I couldn't decide weather or not to just 'grin and bear it' and buy the expensive(!) organic, or not. We love garlic and use it A LOT! (It must be a Namibian thing?) After much agony and deliberation, I decided to go with the plain, old, non-organic, in-a-big-metal-jar, minced, garlic.

But, was I in for a treat, or what!

This afternoon, T and I had a date on the farm. We've lived here since May and have yet to walk the property. We scoped out my folks new house (move in date beg of July), hiked in the woods, walked along the creek, checked out the spring, and crossed the field on our way back to the house. ....And that is when it happened. We hit the jack pot, folks!

The previous owners had the land organically certified and farmed all sorts of things. While we were walking across the field, T looked down and said 'Is that garlic?' There, in all its organic beauty, was not just one head of garlic,  but more than we could count! Needless to say, I am quite pleased that I did not buy that expensive, organic, garlic that was just so enticing from our beloved Kroger.

I am even more happy to say that since our discovery, we've also discovered when garlic is ready to be ripe and our lovely field is promising quite a harvest.

I just happened to have a roast in the crock pot and after my brief, yet exhillerating, garlic harvest, I promptly through a very large amount in. ....which proved quite tasty. If garlic truly builds the immune system, then we are as strong as rocks over here.

Truth be told, I confess, that I love the fact that I get a whiff of garlic every time I scoop up my lovies for a snuggle. It makes me smile.

Though I can't quite say I feel the same about my garlic wrenched hands. Odd, I know. :)

Love, your Daddy.

Dear my little Faith Makiera,

You are two years old Today. I am a little skeptical though. Because you came out a few to maybe even ten days from your due date early, I kind of feel like you're not really two yet. Anyway, this is the birthday God gave you, and I am so happy you are here.

You are precious and sweet. Some of your favorite phrases are "Hold me" "Hug kiss" and "Miss you". You like to say the words "pink" "tractor" "animal" "bookuh" and "cakeyou" (thank you). You have many of your own meanings for words.

You ask for prayer and songs every night. Our favorite songs are "Jesus loves me" "Amazing Grace" "I surrender all" and the ABC's.

Mommy does a wonderful job with your little outfits and hair. You don't at all mind wearing second-hand clothes at this age and I hope that never stops.

Though you are the middle girl, and one of the middle children, you do quite well with it. Your presence is almost always known and you don't have much trouble making sure your needs are known. We like to call you fiery.

Our deepest hope for you is that you will be passionate and fiery for God's Word. We named you after His Word (Makiera) and its most important effect on a human heart. We wanted to glorify Jesus in naming you and raising you and have great hope that this will be done in your life as well.

I hope you know that you are always free to be who God made you to be with us. And we will love whoever God made you to be. If His love is in us, that won't change.

I hope the conversation that began when you said your first word--"dada" never ends.

Happy Birthday Faith and I love you and your mommy loves you so much,

Daddy

Happy Birthday, Faith!

My dearest Faith Makiera,

Today you turned two! You are precious, adorably cute, cantankerous, extremely willful, playful, rather stubborn, beautiful, artistic, very perceptive, and super girly all wrapped up in one little two year old body. This afternoon your daddy and I, and your older brother Keano, your older sister Gloria, and your younger sister Felicity celebrated you. As you opened your presents (most from your grandma and grandpa TX who also love you dearly) you exclaimed with great passion "WOW!" and then asked for another.

Your vocabulary in the past week has abounded to words and phrases we didn't even know you knew. You continue to walk around the house, pointing at different things, and exclaiming "God made it!" You love to sing and I love it when you mix your songs up all into one. Lately, your favorite lines seems to be "I surrender all.... The bible tells me so....God is so big." It makes my heart melt every time.

Unlike your older sister Gloria, who likes mostly toy animals, you love your babies. You rock them, feed them, put them to bed, and even put them in time out when they are naughty. As of yesterday, you were taking one to the potty (something you and I are working on soon ;)

One day Faith, you will be all grown up. I'll blink, and you'll be writing down these memories of your own babies. (Lord willing, of course). Though you are learning much every day, I hope and pray that one day you will go back and read these words I am writing to you now. Your Daddy and I love you very much, Faith Makiera. It isn't a love that is based on how well you do or don't do. Our love for you is an endless fountain because it doesn't come from us, but straight from the Father's heart to you. It will never run dry.

My prayer for you my sweet and darling, Faith, is that one day soon God would give to you the Faith you are named after (if He hasn't already). Not a Faith that you muster up, coming from yourself, but a Faith that is given to you and sustained by Christ alone, and for Christ alone. A Faith that is grounded from and in God, Himself. For He is beautiful.

I love you, Faith and I am so glad the Lord has allowed you to be my daughter.

With endless love,
Mommy

He gives and takes away.

2 years ago, tomorrow, God gave us our second little girl, who we named, Faith Makiera. We love her dearly, but this post is not about her. That will be tomorrows. :)

Gloria and Faith were both born in Namibia. We were able to get ultrasounds at every check up. It was nice. The doctors have the machines and it is rather routine to do them at pretty much every visit.

I'll never forget the day. It was a routine check up. I had been feeling so very tired lately and just thought that it was that 'early 1st trimester weariness.' I hadn't remembered being this tired with Gloria, but then again I wasn't looking after a 1 year old as well.

Dr. Burmiester. We really like him. At first, not so much... but he kinda grows on ya. Quiet. Dry (and very funny) humor. Afrikaaner.

I was seven weeks along. He was doing the ultrasound and was very quite. I remember getting a bit concerned. Then he said, 'Well, it looks like twins.'

WHAT?!?! Complete shock. Twins run NO WHERE in either side of our families. ..and I mean, nowhere.

They were in the same sac. It means they were the same gender and identical. We listened to both heart beats. We have the picture. We told everyone we knew. I don't regret it.

3 weeks later, we went back. One was gone.

It was so early that many, though sad for us, didn't see it as 'that big of a deal.' These things happen all the time. In fact, though at first, it was hard to swallow, I think we convinced ourselves that it wasn't as big of a deal. 

My dear friend Lise, in Namibia, called me up and insisted that she was coming to visit. I was irritated. I was fine. I didn't need to process, and to be honest, if I remember right, I had a lot going on that day.

I'm so glad she came.

Lise and her husband have had much suffering and learned much of God's grace in the midst of it. I needed to hear these things. I needed to hear about life. I needed to hear about loss. I needed to hear and see the testimony of the Christian who has been through and in suffering. I needed to hear about how the Christian embraces hard things as coming from the Lord. We don't run from it. We don't pretend it isn't happening. We experience God's grace in it.

So, on this day, I also remember.

I remember that God gives and that He takes away. I remember that He is good, and my heart rests with full and unwavering peace right there. Blessed be His name....

An Outlet

You might want to skip this one.

All my little ones (and not so little ;) are in bed, and I am needing an outlet to process. I generally process well when I write, so that is what this is. I don't yet know the conclusion. Truth be told, I'm not even quite sure of what my problem is.

I'm not afraid to end on a down note. I know God often takes us 'down' to teach us many beautiful things. He is indeed, beautiful. I'm not afraid to end on a high note, either. Where can we run from His presence? As if we wanted too.

Feelings are funny things. If I had to say how I felt, I would describe it by saying I kinda, sorta, feel like I'm stuck in the airport and not sure if I'm coming, or going.

Square Peg. Round Hole. Unsettled. Yes, but No. Missing. Wondering. Remembering. Hoping. Questions.

I'm a bit in that place.

Actively flinging myself to Christ. Gospelizing myself. Learning. Learning. Learning some more.

I'm landing there.

There was never a time in my life that I didn't want to be a missionary. That I didn't have a knowing that it was what I wanted and desired to do. Always, I knew.

We were.

Those who are meeting us now, for the first time, it's an interesting detail. A story to be told. For us, it was our life.

Desire is still there. We want full time ministry. Not because we are not called to be 'in the world,' but because it is the pounding, beating, passionate, cry of our hearts to reach and teach those who need the Gospel. Those who want the Gospel.

Exhale.

What now? Here is my struggle. Right here.

Here is where I'm busy trusting and hoping and praying and knowing that Jesus upholds the universe. The entire universe by simply the word of his power. Surely, He upholds our hearts. Surely He is upholding our hearts.

There are moments, more than I would care to admit, that I fear. I fear that we will never be on the mission field again. I fear that Todd will never pastor a church. I fear that how life is now is how it will always be.

Fear is paralyzing. Crippling. Agonizing.

But Oh for the perfect love of Christ that drives out paralyzing, crippling and agonizing fear! The Perfect Love that created desire. The Perfect Love that gives desire. The Perfect Love that satisfies desire.

The. Perfect. Love.

God-given desires are not treasure maps. God doesn't put them in our hearts and then wait to see if we can figure out which road to go down, which path to follow, so that we might satisfy them.  So that we might arrive. This is not the Christian's God.

Our God gives desires. He gives desires that are His desires. He gives desires that He might satisfy them. He gives desires according to His plan. And He is faithful to His plan. Faithfully, Faithful.

"What then shall we say to these things. If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Rom 8:31)

Better. Much Better.